Are You Living Your Purpose?

Photo Credit: antibarbie

Three deaths in the past month has made for a rough start to the year. Two were expected; both family members were older and had health problems, and in some ways it was a blessing. But we still miss them and weren’t ready to see them leave this earth.

The third death was totally unexpected. A neighbor  and friend died of a sudden heart attack. Because she was close to my age, her death affected me the most.

When things like this happen, it makes you re-evaluate your life. If it had been me rather than her, what would I regret leaving undone?

I read recently that most people in nursing homes say they wish they’d taken more risks. It would be sad to get to the end of life and realize that while you were busy with mundane tasks, the important things of life passed you by.

What words or acts have you avoided saying or doing that you might someday regret? What dreams have you been putting off?

What were you put here on earth to do? Make that your first priority.

There I Go Again, Being Rude…

As we’re hustling and bustling to get the last of the holiday shopping done, it’s so easy to get annoyed with slowpokes who block our speed-walking through  a store on our lunch hours or with rude people who push ahead of us in line. But recently I heard a suggestion that totally revolutionized how I feel when that happens.

Whatever label you’ve just given that person who’s upsetting you–irritating, pushy, nasty, inconsiderate–put it into this sentence: There I go again, being…

There I go again, being pushy.

There I go again, being rude.

Wait a minute, you might say. I wasn’t the one who was doing that. Ah, but if you believe, like I do, that we’re all interconnected and that what you see is a reflection of what’s in your heart, then it’s easy to see that you made the choice to see rudeness or unkindness. And I find when I say that, it reminds me that I’ve done the same thing at times.

Perhaps that’s what’s meant by: There, but for the grace of God, go I…

Although some people use that to make themselves feel superior, if you think about it for a moment, you’ll realize you’re saying that any differences between you and the other person are because of grace. You are the same, but someone is looking at your actions through forgiving eyes. Now it’s your turn to do the same.

But the wonderful thing about this sentence is that you can use it when you see acts of kindness, generosity, and love.

There I go again, being generous and thoughtful.

There I go again, being helpful and considerate.

So while you’re shopping, which “you” will you see. I hope you have the special joy and privilege of seeing “you” through the eyes of a child, with all the magic and wonder that entails.

The Forgiveness Dilemma

Talk about conflicting messages. After writing two posts about the benefits of not forgiving people, my Google alerts again misdirected me (or was that a nudge from a higher source?) to a self-help site where the presenter was detailing all the benefits of forgiveness. The speaker used the familiar description of holding a grudge as feeding yourself poison, hoping someone else would die.

So I guess my options seem to be–poison myself or poison them? Hmmm…

Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot? Definitely

In keeping with my theme of nonforgiveness (see previous post), I thought I’d think of people in my life I forgave, but probably shouldn’t have.  If I’d known about this research earlier in life, just think how many people I could have helped.

I’ll start with my high school nemesis who stole my almost-boyfriend. OK, so he and I had sort of gone on one date together. Or rather we tried to. Friends who know how directionally challenged I am will not be surprised to hear that instead of heading north on the highway to our destination, I accidentally turned south, and never realized my mistake until we crossed the state line. He had let me choose our destination (big mistake!), so he had no idea what I had in mind. So that semi-date plus one phone call the week before to let me know he’d flunked his driver’s test was the extent of our relationship to that point. Still I had high hopes.

The holidays were approaching, and I felt sure I’d have a date with him for the next big to-do. Because he didn’t have his license, I’d figure we’d meet there. So I dressed to kill and spent half an hour trying to discourage friends from taking the seat I was saving for HIM.

Meet there we did. And he was as romantic as I dreamed he’d be, except the person he was cuddling was not me. Yep, she was holding his hand, wrapping her arm around him, while I pretended I hadn’t been saving that seat for anyone special.

After crying for hours that night, I resolved to be nice to both of them. And I was. I never said a word to either of them about my broken heart (she’d known I had a crush on him), and I stayed friends with them.  Too bad I didn’t know about this grudge-holding research. I might have come up with some harsh consequences that would have made them both think twice about what they’d done. As it turned out, a few months later she broke my best friend’s heart when she stole her steady boyfriend. And then six months later cheated on him with my neighbor’s fiance. Who knows how much heartache I could have saved others by being unforgiving.

So what auld acquaintances in your life do you wish you could forget?

Don’t Forgive or Forget

Forgiveness is a good thing, right? Not really…

Forgiveness has always come fairly easy for me. It’s tough for me to hold grudges. It may be because I know my faults, so I’m more than willing to give other people the benefit of the doubt. Plus, I know I’ve been forgiven, so I believe I should extend that to others.

It recently came as quite a shock to discover that what I’d always thought of as a virtue is actually not. According to a recent study, people who forgive are more likely to become victims of abusers. Researchers discovered that forgiving offenses means that other people learn there are no negative consequences for their actions, so they’re much more likely to behave badly again. Thus people who hold grudges are actually doing the world a service by helping others become better people.

So if I truly want to help others, perhaps my new slogan should be: Forgive and Forget? Never!

I posted a forget-me-not because I usually forget my resolutions within a few days or weeks at most. I wonder how long I’ll be able to keep this one.

Secret to Overcoming Obstacles

Life throws you roadblocks all the time. Losing a promotion, a job, a spouse, a limb, your reputation… No one ever knows what they might be called on to face, but you have two choices:

You either let it throw you into despair and paralyze you OR you move on. Sure, I hear you saying, easy for you to say. You have no idea the horrible situation I’m facing right now.

And you’re right. I don’t. But my inspiration comes from Corrie ten Boom, who lived through the horrors of a Nazi concentration camp and watched her sister die. She lost her parents, relatives, and home. Yet she went on to become a motivational speaker. What made her story even more compelling is that she forgave her jailer–in person.

Many people move on from situations where they’ve been wronged or hurt, but they carry bitterness with them–a poison that eats at their hearts and ruins their present. To get beyond it, takes a new mindset. Reframe the situation until you can thank the person who caused it. Many times that can’t be done with human strength; it requires moving beyond yourself to the realm of the supernatural. Believing that a higher power knows what you are going throught and has a plan for your life is often the key to reframing situations.